hurry home, partner
by letsplayscrabble
Summary: [linstead oneshot] what happens when he gets deployed and she gets hurt on the job? also put a nice little surprise at the end in for you all (;
1. Chapter 1

In a perfect world there was only peace and in a perfect world the men defending their country didn't live in a fear of having to go back because it was their duty when the safety of the land of the free was threatened and because going back to that place brought all of their nightmares to life but when the Taliban grew restless and even more dangerous than before even Jay's PTSD couldn't stop the tugging in the pit of his stomach because he had an obligation and he had to do what was right and he couldn't just sit back in the safety and the warmth of the apartment when his fellow soldiers were out and fighting and afraid and truth be told he had been doing better because he'd moved back in with his girl and the warmth of her body pressed up against him in the dead of the night kept him anchored to reality and the present and away from the gunshots and the blood and the death he'd fought so hard to stay away from.

So it came as a surprise when sitting down to dinner one night he'd blurted out that he was going back, her hazel eyes widening and her fork falling out of her fingers in bewilderment and he watched her nibble on her bottom lip because she was trying so hard not to burst and erupt and ask him what in the hell he was thinking because she was just getting used to waking up on Saturday mornings to the smell of scrambled eggs and a hot pot of coffee and the sound of his cheerful hums in the kitchen with a dish towel tossed carelessly onto his left shoulder and sometimes he'd come course her out of bed with a delicious amount of kisses on her lips and then down to her neck and sometimes breakfast was forgotten because the feeling of him and his hands and his lips was everything she'd ever been searching for and having him back here with her along with his own toothbrush and toothpaste and his over the top cleaning habits made every single hard day on the job and every single hard day with her mother a hell of a lot easier to deal with.

But she didn't argue, didn't question and instead began to clear the dishes and she suddenly felt really far away from him and he suddenly wished he could take the words back and rewind a few moments but he couldn't because his flight left in the morning and he wanted her there to send him off and he wanted to kiss her goodbye and know that she would be right here when he came back and he really didn't want to think about what would happen if she wasn't because damn would it be easy to let the guilt and the fear and the terrors swallow him whole without the promise of her hazel eyes or her scratchy 'I love yous' to come home to.

He went to pack his bags in a frustrated silence and then he let the cold water of his shower pelt down onto his bare skin and he let his fingernails dig into the palms of his hands as they clenched into fists because he was afraid of the place he was going to and he really just needed her to hold him and tell him that it all was going to be okay but here they were on separate ends of the apartment and it caused his stomach to twist into nervous knots.

Jay wandered back out into the kitchen after slipping into a pair of loose sweatpants but the lights were off and it was empty and he suddenly had this horrible thought that she ducked out and headed to Voight's for the night because he was well aware that she was upset and could very well need her space but he was also well aware of the fact that that meant she'd made up her mind and that she wouldn't be here whenever it was he ended the deployment and that killed him a little bit inside.

In a huff of defeat his feet carried him back to the bedroom they shared and to his surprise she was already curled up underneath the covers and her ridiculous amount of pillows were tossed onto the floor which meant she was waiting for him to fill up the rest of the bed which meant she hadn't been planning on leaving him after all and as he climbed in next to her he couldn't stop himself from burying her face in the crook of her neck and breathing in the faint coconut scent of her shampoo and kissing her neck because she was here and because he loved her more than absolutely anything and he didn't stop his assault until she shifted to face him and his favorite hazel eyes found his face and she reached out her tiny fingers to brush against his cheek.

"I'm going to miss you. But I'm so proud, Jay," she murmured, her lips turning up in a grin and her dimples appearing as he leaned forward to kiss her nose and then her forehead because somehow just holding her in his arms he was sure that he was going to be okay and that he could do this because he had Erin Lindsay to love and to cherish and he would fight every damn day to get to come back to her and he would fall asleep every night with the knowledge that she was home and waiting for him and that she loved him just as much as he loved her.

"I'll see you soon, Erin."

"I'm counting on it."

He'd been gone three weeks now and the bullpen still felt empty and the apartment felt even more so without him and the team had started to pick up on the fact that she wasn't quite as feisty and wasn't as quick to pitch her ideas and Hank had considered giving her a few days of leave but he had also considered the fact that that would more than likely make her go stir crazy and maybe cause her to do something drastic and he was secretly keeping an eye on her for the time they were on a case because she no longer lived under his roof and of course she would resent him if he had stopped her from working because she was so passionate about her job and helping others and it was the only thing keeping her from sitting in the burning hot shower and sobbing her eyes out with worry because she hadn't heard his voice in fifteen days.

The bust at the end of the day had come as a much needed distraction and as the team suited up to head over to the warehouse Erin welcomed the sudden and familiar rush of adrenaline that flooded her veins because she would finally get to do something useful and as Hank finished strapping up her bulletproof vest she managed a tight smile at his hushed words of encouragement because she was well aware she hadn't been at her best these past few cases but she was also well aware that Hank understood just as he understood she would never give anything less than her all when it came to catching the sons of bitches they'd been chasing after for days.

Her and Atwater had been the first to breach and as she listened to Olinsky's steady instructions in her earpiece from out in the van across the street warning her of the guards and the guns and the security cameras on each corner she tried to ignore the rushed pitter patter of her heartbeat and the muted thuds of her boots on the ground and maybe if she'd been paying more attention or maybe if she'd heard the last second hint of alarm in Alvin's voice she could've shifted an inch to the right or hit the ground for cover and the bullets would've missed her and the edges of her vision wouldn't have blurred and she wouldn't have had to fight to keep her eyes from drifting closed as Kevin finally knelt down at her side, howling for Voight and for Ruzek and pressing his fingers into what she was pretty sure was her shoulder and then she heard another round of gunshots and howls and thuds of bodies hitting the ground and the last piece of her consciousness was filled with Hank's gruff voice screaming for an ambulance and then she couldn't be quite sure but she thought she heard the mention of Jay before the the world shifted out of focus and it all faded to black.

Hearing Voight's rough murmur over his walkie talkie well before sunrise sent a shiver straight to Jay's bones because his boss knew he was only supposed to call if it was an emergency and as his mind slowly came back into consciousness and he heard what sounded like Erin's name it took him only two minutes to wake up the entire camp and beg someone to get him on a helicopter because Hank Voight had called him and he had this sick feeling settling in the pit of his stomach that it was bad, that it was really, really bad because he was all the way across the ocean and Hank had still made it a priority to call.

He made it to her bedside after seventeen hours and thirty-two minutes and he had never hated himself any more than he did during those seventeen hours and thirty-two minutes because she was his partner and he'd promised he'd always have her back and looking at her pale, broken frame in the stark white hospital issued sheets he couldn't help and shoulder the blame because if he had been in there with her and right beside her maybe this wouldn't have happened and he wouldn't be squeezing her freezing cold fingers and desperately kissing her knuckles and trying to keep the tears at bay because Will was hovering and so was Hank and he still had a tiny bit of dignity and as much as he wanted to curl up beside her and give her some of his warmth he knew he couldn't be selfish here because Erin had so many others that loved her and cared for her and he couldn't blame them for hovering because he hadn't even been home to change out of his uniform or to shower or even just down the hall to the break room for a cup of coffee and a couch where he could close his eyes for maybe three minutes but he declined every single damn time because he'd left her once and here she was unconscious with two tiny holes in her and every once and awhile he felt Hank squeeze his shoulder before he ducked out to update the rest of the unit.

"Jay, hey- I need to tell you something," Will murmured and Jay managed to flick his eyes away from Erin's face to look at him in his white coat and his maroon scrubs and for a second he almost laughed out loud because his brother had ended up as a doctor and the irony of it all still got to him sometimes because Will had finally cut the crap in college and made something of himself and here he was about to deliver some obviously not good news about the love of his life because he was frowning and Jay finally saw the new stack of papers and charts he was flipping hastily through and he felt the tears well back up in his eyes and damn it maybe this time he would cry because he wasn't sure he had it in him to keep it together for the sake of anyone anymore.

But then Jay felt the tiniest hint of a squeeze on his right hand and his heart lurched and Erin's hazel eyes blinked open and her brow turned down in the most adorable crease of a frown and it took everything in him not to wrap her up in his arms right then and there but he remembered she was sore and she looked so, so fragile and even though she was pretty damn sure his girl could handle it he also knew she hadn't allowed many pain meds if any to course through her systems like a normal shooting victim because she had always been deathly afraid of a relapse and a few bullets weren't going to change her mind. But then he realized she wasn't looking at him, she was looking at his brother and so he sat silently and busied himself with stroking the pad of his thumb over her knuckles because he wanted to collapse in relief and exhaustion.

"I- I want to tell him," Erin croaked and he watched Will nod and slide the glass door closed leaving just the two of them and then it was his turn to frown because she'd obviously been conscious enough to hear Will and maybe it was the grogginess finally catching up to him after the fourteen hour flight but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what the hell was going on so he leaned forward to gently brush his lips against her cheek before she found the words to explain.

"Jay, I- I'm pregnant. I- _we're_ having a baby," she whispered, and then the tears finally welled in her hazel orbs and in his blue ones and he finally understood why she'd turned down a drink at his birthday party and every single other time he'd asked for the past few weeks and how the hell hadn't he noticed but he pulled her ever so gently into his arms and he felt her rest her head on his chest and he was convinced that in this moment he was the happiest he had ever been and ever would be.


	2. Chapter 2

He was home now, back in their apartment and back in their bed and back to driving her up a wall because ever since she'd dropped the baby bomb in the hospital only four days back he hadn't left her side and even if she was annoyed beyond belief at all the attention she was getting from not only her boyfriend but from Hank and the entire rest of the team she had to admit it warmed her heart that she had so many people in her corner and her shoulder and her hip were aching far worse than she would ever admit to but she'd found rubbing tiny circles with her fingertips over her stomach helped keep her mind off the pain because even though she wasn't showing yet and even though the baby was barely there she still had a tiny little life growing inside of her- half of Jay and half of her and she already found herself hoping and wishing and praying the child would pop out with his beautiful blue orbs.

She made her little nest on the living room couch, a pile of pillows nestled in on her right side to perch her damaged arm upon and the coffee table shoved a bit closer so she could stretch out her legs and keep her hip stationary and Jay was never too far away because he was the definition of a house husband and to be completely honest Erin had never been more turned on at the sight of him in her life because his new favorite thing to do was look up baby names on the internet after he had cooked her breakfast and helped her shuffle from the bedroom out onto the couch in the early hours of the morning and she was pretty sure she still looked like she got run over by a train but waking up to his stupid little grin and the adoration in his blue hues sent a shiver down her spine every damn time.

"You done with your eggs? I can make another pot of coffee," Jay blurted, setting his own plate and mug down and suddenly he was a flurry of hands trying to reach out and help her as if she had never used her own fork before and Erin couldn't stop the snort that erupted from her nostrils because Jay Halstead as a father was even better than Jay Halstead as a boyfriend but she was going to smack him silly if he didn't give her an inch of breathing room because she was more than capable and only a little bit fragile and as soon as she could walk at a normal pace again she was headed straight back to the bullpen and not even the beautiful life growing inside of her was going to keep her here and shielded behind the four walls of the apartment and she hoped to God he wasn't going to fight her on it.

"Jay, I'm fine. I was fine two minutes ago when you brought me my breakfast, I was fine this morning when you woke me up in bed, and I'm still fine and full and carrying your baby and I'm only a little bit sore, to answer your next question" Erin replied knowingly, her lips turning up in a grin and her dimples appearing full force because he was absolutely adorable and she loved him with absolutely everything that she had but she was still Erin Lindsay and hadn't lost her stubborn, fiery streak and she needed him to know that two bullets weren't going to take her down for the count for more than a few days.

He crinkled his nose at her reply because of course she knew what he was thinking and worrying about and of course she was fine but he still couldn't shake the thought that she almost hadn't been and to make matters even more significant she had been carrying his child and he'd almost lost them both and that thought alone almost sent him straight to the bottle of liquor he still had leftover from his birthday party because he really couldn't imagine a world without his hazel eyed, dimple-cheeked partner or the little new life she had growing inside of her. Jay reached over then to gently tuck a few stray strands of hair behind her ears, knowing she hated to be stared at and studied but he still hadn't quite wrapped his head around the fact that he was going to be a father and she was going to be a mother, and damn that kid was going to be lucky having Erin Lindsay to look up to and damn he just really wanted to kiss her and he just really wanted to make love to her but those damn bullets ruined his excitement each and every time and his mouth curled up into a smirk as she fidgeted closer to him because she had to feel the tension too and there wasn't a damn thing either one of them could do about it.

"Easy there, tiger," she murmured and he almost lost it right then and there and said to hell with it but he did pull her closer to him and inhale her familiar scent and he did let out the tiniest hint of a groan as he felt her lips brush against his neck but he continued trailing his fingers up and down her back and then the exhaustion of the past few days must've been too much for her because he felt her breathing even out and her arms go limp and he grinned because even as she slept, one of her hands still rested protectively over her tiny belly.


	3. Chapter 3

"Jay, I _swear to God_ \- you know how much I _hate_ surprises," she muttered, trying to stop a grin from turning up a corner of her mouth and trying to stop the rapid, enthusiastic beating of her heart because to be up and not limping in itself was a win but she had a feeling the day was about to get even better as she felt his body lean into her from behind, leading her on a random path throughout their apartment with his hands placed firmly over her hazel orbs so she couldn't see a damn thing and if she was fully healed she would've put up more of a fight at this point because she really couldn't take the suspense anymore but he insisted and she melted at the sight of his delighted expression lighting up his perfect blue eyes and the way he nearly bounced over to greet her at the door as Hank had dropped her off after the check up at Med and given a nod of a hello in his direction and she knew her partner was still scared shitless over the fact that Hank stopped by every once and awhile to check up on her because they were living together again and sleeping in the same bed and he would never be quite comfortable or at ease around the father figure in Erin's life because he hadn't quite learned how to separate his boss from his girlfriend's guardian.

"Shh, I got you," he whispered, and she felt his breath on the crook of her neck and she shivered and she knew he felt it because he kissed her cheek and let out a tiny hint of a chuckle and damn did she wish she was fully healed because sometimes her need for him was almost too much but after a day in the bullpen which consisted of staring at her computer screen for hours on end because she wasn't allowed out in the field yet or sometimes if she was lucky sifting through suspect or CI files all she really had the energy to do by the time it was time to head home was curl up on the sofa in Jay's arms and maybe snag a bite of his cheese pizza even though she'd insisted she was fine with only a bowl of pasta but now she was eating for two and she really couldn't help the fact that she wasn't ever quite completely full. "You're going to like this one, I promise," he murmured, and she finally let her mouth turn up in the hint of a smile because this man was far too good to her and she could only imagine how good he was going to be for this little baby. Her hands fell down to her stomach then instead of out in front of her because the fierce need to protect her tiny bump never wavered, not once, and she was still marveling over the fact that this life existed in the first place because without even knowing it that baby was absolutely everything she had ever wanted and wished and prayed for.

"Alright Er, open your eyes."

He watched them flicker open and her left hand fly up to her mouth in awe and it hit him that he needed to buy her a ring for that fourth finger because he had never been more sure of anything in his entire life and he had never been more sure of the fact that he wanted her by his side for the rest of his life and he wanted to watch her walk down the aisle on Hank's arm and he wanted to shove a piece of wedding cake in her face and listen to her laugh erupt from the pit of her stomach and her dimples emerge on her cheeks because he could stare at those dimples of hers all day long and never get sick of the smile on her face or the way her eyes twinkled whenever she was blissfully happy and it'd been so long since he'd seen that blissfully happy look fall across her features except for right now, as her eyes landed all of the hard work he'd put in this afternoon while she was at her appointment, the nursery he'd created for their baby, the pastel colors that could fit either a baby boy or a baby girl because he couldn't care in the slightest and was going to love that tiny human with absolutely everything in his heart.

"Jay, it's perfect. It's absolutely _perfect_ ," she babbled and then the tears fell but this time he didn't panic because he was pretty sure they were the happy ones and he felt her body shift closer and he wrapped her in his arms and let her cry and sob and shake because this was real and this was happening and in their little corner of the world they were making a family and sure he'd gotten a lot of things wrong in his life and to this day he wasn't quite sure how he'd ended up here with this remarkable woman he was certain his mother would've loved if she had been given the chance to meet her and it was then he remembered the absolute best part of his surprise and he wasn't quite sure how he had forgotten in the first place but after brushing his lips across Erin's forehead he pulled away from her, crossing the room to the rocking chair and motioning for her to come sit right on his lap and after hastily wiping away her tears that were still flowing freely down her cheeks she wandered after him, her hands planted firmly on the tiny little bump of her belly and he was reminded right then and there of how wonderful of a mother she was going to be which made handing her the letter he'd held on to all these years so much easier because he had been so afraid of getting one more thing wrong, of picking the wrong woman to spend the rest of his life to settle down and start a family with but in wrapping his arms around her to hold steady and resting his chin on her shoulder as he watched her shaky fingers unfold the piece of paper he had never been more certain of the overwhelming love in his heart for Erin Lindsay.

She opened it slowly, hesitantly, because all the envelope said was 'to my baby's forever' and she was pretty damn certain as to who had scribbled out those words and she was trying to hold back her tears again but they just kept coming and she felt him gently kiss her cheek but she knew she needed to read this, that he needed her to read this because this was from his mother and she had meant the world to him and if Erin could give him anything in this world it would be a few more years with her and this new baby of a grandchild.

' _If you're reading this, you must know by now that I'm long gone but you must also know how much my son loves you because he made me a promise to hold on to this until he was absolutely sure and if you're reading this I can wholeheartedly promise you that he's never been more sure of anything. My heart is bursting with so much joy and so much love because my son has found someone to love and to hold and that is all I have ever wanted as I've watched him grow into an astounding young man. All I ask of you is one thing: love him fiercely. Love him unapologetically and completely because he will do the same to you. Love your children even more so and never let them forget how precious and loved and special they are as you two grow into an even bigger family and create your new story in this crazy whirlwind of a life. I love you, sweetheart. I already love you as my own."_

She broke completely then and they were both crying and again her fingers went to her stomach and the other held him closer because never in a million years would she have anticipated a life as beautiful as this.


	4. Chapter 4

At four months now she was blatantly showing and her hand resting on top of her belly had become more of a necessary tick than an every once and awhile habit, because at this point her pregnancy was very real and obvious not just to her, and she had found the overwhelming need to protect this little life inside of her belly even if it was just with her fingers and even if she was simply standing by the whiteboard in the bullpen surrounded by the people she'd come to call her family.

"He's got a brother doing time in stateville for a rape and double homicide," she briefed, flipping through the file she'd just printed off after pinning a photograph up on the board of the creep she'd been after for hours now, typing away ferociously at her keyboard and ringing a couple of local businesses over and over and over again to try and get a hit or a connection or even a damn photograph from a security camera. She'd finally caught a lucky break from one of her CI's and she finally felt as if she was contributing something useful to the case at hand by handing them a name and a face, and as her hazel eyes trailed over the expectant gazes of her team her stare landed on him and there was that pang in her heart because she couldn't have his back on this one, no matter how hell-bent she'd been when she marched into Hank's office the week before to demand he let her out of this place and out on the streets again.

Them being separated and her staying behind wasn't a change but because she'd just been cleared by the doctors to get off of desk duty and was fully recovered from the shooting there was still the baby to think about and she'd had this silly idea and tiny ounce of hope that the man that was both her boss and her father figure would let her back out to full duty but when he'd shut it down completely with a stubborn shake of his head and a gruff mention of 'my grandchild' she'd relented in her attack because of course he wasn't wrong and of course she would do anything to be better than the woman she'd had the pleasure of calling her mother and the more she thought about it the better she felt about keeping her baby completely out of harm's way. Hank seemed to sense her unease and discontentment, however, because there was a brief mention of him keeping a careful eye on her _boyfriend_ and she couldn't help but grin because she'd never, not once, heard her partner referred to as such in the workplace and she felt as satisfied as she could be with the whole situation when he had given her shoulder a quick squeeze before ducking back out into the bullpen.

But when her eyes locked with her partner she knew she would never feel as content with his safety as she did when it was in her hands so she nibbled on her bottom lip and followed the rest of the team downstairs to get suited up because Hank had given his orders and there was no changing his mind.

Jay was able to sense Erin's frustration rolling off of her in waves as he walked alongside her step by step because even at work he was overly cautious, and even at work he kept his eyes trained on nearly her every move because she was carrying his child and she was the love of his life and he only really felt at ease when it was right there next to her. "It'll be okay Er, it's just a routine call." He nudged her shoulder with his own, chuckling at the glare of her hazel orbs because she was stubborn and because he knew all too well how much she hated having to sit out on the job. But as he brushed his fingers across her protruding bump of a belly and watched her eyes soften he knew she remembered that this time around things were different, and she fell into a contented silence while strapping up his vest.

"Just- be careful, okay? I- uh, _we_ need you to come back here." She cracked a grin at that one and his stomach flipped because that was a new thing she'd started to say out loud as of late- the whole ' _we_ ' thing and he was quite certain he'd never hear anything sweeter in his lifetime. He reached out to give her hand a quick squeeze because now Hank and Olinsky were looking at him over their shoulders and they still had a job to do which required him to be present and on top of his game and not daydreaming of holding that tiny baby in his arms someday; so he offered her the last bit of comfort he could before sliding into the passenger seat and disappearing from her view.

She woke up to him right beside her and her pillows shoved off onto the floor because she'd fallen asleep before he'd gotten home and couldn't quite get comfortable without his body to wrap her limbs around so the pillows had had to do. It only took a moment for his spectacular blue eyes to flicker open and meet her gaze and a corner of her mouth turned up into a smile because for once there wasn't a rush of showers and pots of coffee (one decaf, one regular) to get to the bullpen on time because Hank had granted the two of them a few hours off to head over to Med because today was the day they found out if they were having a boy or a girl.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," she murmured and leaned forward to touch her lips against his and he grinned and pulled her closer and tickled her sides, relishing in the sweet sound of her laughter and wondered how he had ever thought living away from her had been a good idea or something he would have been able to handle.

"Today's the day, Er," he replied back and he was up in a flash and tossing on a t-shirt and a delicious pair of jeans before she could even attempt a roll up and out from underneath the covers but she still managed a snort of laughter in his direction at his absolutely adorable excitement because it was contagious and rubbing off on her, and truthfully as it always was when it came to these check ups she only wanted to hear that her baby was healthy. But at least this time around, they could start to settle on a name and she could start to picture with certainty the little toddler that would be running around the bullpen and straight into Hank's arms, lightening the heavy atmosphere during a particularly grueling case.

She was dressed and fed and looking a little less exhausted around a half hour later, Jay's thumb trailing over her knuckles as he turned down the all too familiar stretch of road, leading the two of them inside and to the waiting room before checking them in for the appointment though Maggie had already seen them and more than likely alerted Nat or Will or the entire rest of the emergency department though he couldn't really blame her because his eyes lit up at the mention of his girl or his baby every single damn time.

"Hey Erin, Jay. Come with me." And there was Nat and her smiling, gentle face and Erin was automatically put at ease because she'd always hated hospitals but that sweetheart of a woman had always made it a little bit more bearable and as Jay reached for her fingers she was able to let out some of the tension in her shoulders, but didn't relax completely until Nat mentioned going out for ice cream or something before she really got uncomfortably huge and Erin couldn't help but laugh because normally their get together was a round of drinks between the Halstead brothers and the both of them and she was struck again by how drastically her life had changed in only the past few months.

"Do I get a niece or a nephew?" And speaking of the devil he appeared in the doorway and Jay opened his mouth as if he was going to shoo him away because he almost wished it could just be the both of them but Erin caught his perfect blue eyes and gave a soft shake of her head and he caught on because this was special yes, but special for so many other people too and his girl had never had so many people in her corner and he wanted her to know how much she was loved and cared for and that he understood.

Nat rolled her eyes but couldn't help but grin because she'd found the baby's heartbeat and then the image appeared on the monitor and Erin's eyes trailed off of Jay to the computer screen because she'd never be able to find the words to explain the amount of love in her heart for this tiny little human but as her partner squeezed her hand again she knew without a shadow of a doubt she would spend her entire life trying.

"It's a girl. You're gonna have a baby girl."

And then the tears fell down her cheeks because amidst Will's hooting and hollering and Jay's whispered 'I love yous' and Nat's feeble attempts to keep her fellow doctor and new boyfriend under control it hit her all over again that this was happening, and this was real, and she was suddenly absolutely terrified and absolutely thrilled all over again.


	5. Chapter 5

He was seated at the bar in Molly's, with his brother off to his right and Ruzek and Atwater off to his left and they were screeching a very poor and very off-tune version of 'happy birthday'; and though his lips flitted up into a polite grin at their antics, his blue eyes flickered down to his cell phone because he'd left her back at the apartment with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon because as of late it was her constant craving and he wondered if she was still comfortable and okay. She'd been absolutely exhausted and she had insisted he still go out to celebrate without her and though he wasn't completely comfortable with the idea, he'd agreed because he also didn't want to cancel on his friends and she had basically shooed him out the door. Will noticed the shift in his attention, however, and soon the both of them had carried their bottles of beer across the bustling seating area and out the door, giving the excuse of 'needing air' when Jay really just needed to babble for a few moments in the hopes someone would listen because he was worried and tense and if anyone could understand and make sense of his ramblings, it would be Will.

Though they hadn't always been close growing up, his older brother had come through for him as of late, more so in the past few months after the discovery of Erin's pregnancy and more so because he'd finally admitted to himself that he wasn't happy and being honest with himself and had started to date Natalie and step in every so often to help her care for her son, Owen. That role as somewhat of a fatherly figure had done wonders to the ED doc and Jay wouldn't ever be able to find the words to explain how proud he was of him- mostly because words and comfort had never really been their 'thing'. So _this_ \- the whole airing out their feelings and being each other's shoulder to lean on was new, but he found himself desperately needing and craving it because yes, of course he had Erin and yes of course Will had Nat but neither one would truly understand the utter fear of failure the brothers had settling in the pit of their stomachs because the father they had known all of their lives had been an ass and a disappointment and what if that was what they would turn into and what if no matter how hard they tried they could never be any better than him?

His back rested against the cool brick of the establishment as he took a long swig of his beer, letting out a long, disgruntled sigh because he may have made plenty of mistakes in his life but this baby, and raising this baby wasn't going to be one of them. Still, he was afraid. He was afraid and he knew Erin was afraid and all he wanted was to find the words to assure the both of them that they could do this.

"Jay, it's your birthday. You're allowed to breathe a little bit," Will murmured, touching the bottle to his own lips and scuffing the bottom of his shoe on the sidewalk, his eyes falling down to the concrete as he waited for his brother to erupt. He wasn't stupid, he knew he needed it.

"What if I mess it up, man? What if- what if I'm no good at it? Erin loves that baby with all that she has, and hell I love her just as much but I'm so damn afraid that that's not going to be enough," he blurted, one of his hands clenching into a fist at his side because of course he knew raising a baby wasn't going to be easy and of course he knew him and Erin were both brand new parents but if he could find a way to give her even more support and reassurance then damn it, he would do anything.

Will waited in a few moments of silence because he knew he needed to get this right and he knew this was a 'make it or break it moment' and because he may have healed the relationship with his ol' man a bit but Jay certainly hadn't. He knew his little brother lived in a constant fear of turning into that man though he was far, far from it and Will would do anything to make sure he knew that.

"Jay, you're not dad. You're not. You have a lot of mom in you and we both know how wonderful she was- as a person, and as a mother because she got stuck with the pleasure of raising us," Will added with a chuckle. He watched his little brother manage a hint of a grin and so he kept going, encouraged. "You and Erin take down bad guys for a living. You've been partners at work from the get go and now you're going to be partners as parents. You love her, Jay. And I know she loves you. You know how to work together and how to have each other's backs when a gun is raised at your heads and I don't think raising a baby will ever have that kind of pressure. She's going to give becoming a mom everything's she's got and there's not a doubt in my mind that you're going to do the same as her dad. I couldn't think of a better set of parents to give to that little girl."

All Jay could manage that time was a nod because he was choked up and embarrassed that his tough persona had been cracked a bit around his brother but that was what he had needed and he didn't have it in him to keep it completely together anymore. "Thanks, bro."

Will nodded again before pulling out his cell phone, sending a few quick messages before looking back up at his brother. "Come on. We're going to pick up Erin and then head over to my place. Owen decided to make it a late night and Nat wants to talk to you two. I already texted Atwater and Ruzek- they'll be just fine."

The younger detective just shrugged his shoulders and flashed a grin of agreement because he'd get to see Erin sooner than he had anticipated and spending time with his brother and Nat had always been an enjoyable way to pass the time as they'd all grown significantly closer over the past few months. Within a few moments Erin slid into the back seat with a tired smile and a sarcastic quip in Will's direction because she never missed a chance to give him crap and Jay didn't hold back his proud smirk.

Soon they were all seated in Nat's living room- Jay cuddled up next to Erin on the couch, Will and Natalie on the floor with Owen waddling between the both of them- and Jay finally felt the tension in his body begin to ease. Erin seemed to pick up on it and rested her hand on his knee, squeezing softly before beginning to trace a random pattern up and down his jeans. _God, he loved her_. Her hazel orbs remained trained on the toddler, her other hand resting gently over her growing bulge of a stomach, and Jay grinned because damn she was going to make a spectacular mother.

"Wanna hold him?" Natalie questioned, and in the way his partner's eyes lit up Jay fell in love with her all over again.

"Yeah," Erin murmured and she shifted to hold out on her arms for the little boy and Natalie scooted over on the floor to hand her son off and then Owen was planted in the detective's lap with his eyes trained on this new woman in curiosity and her lips turned up into an even bigger grin.

"Hi, Owen. It's nice to meet you," Erin cooed and he clapped in delight before casting a glance over at Jay, cocking his head adorably to the side while snuggling up closer to her growing bump of a stomach. She began to absently rub his back while listening to the doctors account a rather dreadful case from earlier in the day and the child was out in moments, Jay chuckling because she was absolutely radiating and Nat and Will were ecstatic he had finally drifted off to sleep for the night.

Jay gently swung an arm over Erin's shoulders and pulled her and the child closer, brushing his lips across her forehead because yeah, they were going to be just fine.

"You guys are naturals," Nat murmured, her dark eyes falling over the couple and Erin couldn't stop herself from beaming. "I just wanted you two to know that. That I know it's scary and it's overwhelming but a baby is a beautiful thing and you guys have the biggest and best support system imaginable. Having you guys as a mom and a dad is a win for that baby girl already," she added with another comforting smile and for the first time in weeks Erin felt like she could breathe and surrounded by the people in this room she felt as though she could accomplish anything.


	6. Chapter 6

**\- Sorry this took me so long to get up! Thank you for your love on this story. Only a few more parts to go! (:**

 **X**

"Do we have any pickles? Or peanut butter? I _really_ want to dip them in something and I could've sworn-" she paused in her interrogation and cast her gaze around the corner into the kitchen where her hazel eyes landed on his bewildered expression, one of his hands reaching for a beer and the other on the handle of the refrigerator door but his search for a cold one was abandoned as she chuckled at his furrowed brow and her request rang in his eardrums.

"What in the _world_ are you feeding her?" Jay demanded and he let the door close behind him without grabbing a bottle because she was smiling at him, and her cheeks were adorably flushed and those damn dimples were out to play and how in the world had he gotten to be this lucky with the hand of cards he'd been dealt?

Her bottom lip stuck out in a feigned pout as her hands came to rest on the top of her stomach but she couldn't even pretend to be offended when he was looking at her like that with those perfect blue eyes and kissing her forehead with his gentle lips because Jay Halstead was a beauty of a man and somehow she got to call him hers. "Wings. Can we go get wings?" She was back on food because he damn well could easily distract her with the way his hands found the small of her back and pulled her closer, or the way his mouth brushed ever so softly against her neck but the baby girl growing stronger inside of her was having nothing of it and she heard her stomach rumble in protest. "Please," she murmured, running the tips of her fingers down the front of his t-shirt.

The 'please' got to him accompanied by her adorable little pout and her delightful little grin when he nodded his head in compliance and after laying his hand softly for a brief moment over her bulging belly he wandered over to the door to pick up his keys and then his leather jacket and after a quick glance over his shoulder he looked at his girlfriend quizzically because she hadn't moved from beside the kitchen counter. "Babe-" Jay began, taking a few hurried strides back towards her because he couldn't help the sudden jolt of fear that shot through his stomach because damn, so many things could go wrong now but he shouldn't have worried. Not in the slightest.

"Jay, come here." He watched her hazel orbs fill with tears but her lips turn up into a grin and he stepped even closer to her tiny frame because he still wasn't quite sure what was happening and he was still ready to dial his brother and demand some answers or at least a sane, medical explanation for what was happening, but then she was taking his fingers and placing them on her belly and though he'd done this a million times before- in bed before they fell asleep, watching an old documentary snuggled under a blanket in the living room- this time was different. This time he felt his baby girl kick and move and squirm under the warmth of his hand and that made this real. This made it feel a hell of a lot more like reality and when Erin's tinier hands rested on top of his he couldn't stop the few tears that fell down his cheeks.

He remembered playing baseball with his mother and Will in the backyard of their suburban home, swinging the bat as fiercely as he could and missing every single time. He remembered Will snorting in the outfield and his mother's gentle words of encouragement and he remembered the look of utter elation falling across her delicate features as the wooden bat finally made contact and sent the ball flying over the neighbor's wooden fence and into their yard.

He remembered Sunday morning service and wiggling on the uncomfortable wooden pew between his father and his mother in a god-awful suit and tiny little tie because Will had thrown a fit and gotten to sit on the end, to the right of their mother and farthest away from their father who sat tense and on edge for the entire hour and a half they ventured out into public because he fared better in the own four walls of his home and an arm's length away from his bottle of whiskey and package of cigarettes.

He remembered his first football game and his first touchdown and the cheers of the crowd and the whistles of the refs and then the sounds of the banging of helmets and shoulder pads and bodies and remembered the one pat on the back from his ol' man he probably ever received after the clock winded down and his team came out on top and the band erupted into the school song in celebration as the crowd stormed onto the home field.

He remembered the airport and the bustle of the people and the scratchiness of his new uniform and the way his mother's striking blue eyes widened with tears because he was headed off to fight the good fight and his father hadn't even bothered to come and Will was probably off drowning in booze and desperate women but that plane was still waiting and wouldn't return with him on it and that was suddenly a hell of a lot to bear, having cast one last look over his shoulder at his good-hearted and kind and loving mother and in the darkness of Afghanistan her eyes are what he clung to.

He knew that reality. He had lived all of that. But here, standing in the kitchen with his hands on the pregnant belly of the love of his life and feeling this tiny baby girl he was ready to face a new one. _A new, beautiful and perfect one_. Because he wouldn't turn out to be like his father and she most definitely wouldn't turn out to be like her mother and they had each other's backs. Always.

"Anabel Camille. That should be her name. After your mother and Camille. _Anabel Camille Halstead_ ," she whispered and he let his forehead fall against hers and he felt her fingers drift up to his cheeks and then to the back of his neck pulling him even closer and then they were kissing and his hands were all over her body and she forgot absolutely everything about wanting to even leave the apartment in the first place because no place was better than right here with him.


	7. Chapter 7

"I - thank you all so much," Erin whispered, her throat scratchy with tears and her heart full of appreciation because here, _right here_ surrounded by every single member of the team she had come to call family she knew without a shadow of a doubt that this baby girl was going to grow up loved. _Loved, appreciated, cherished._ Everything that she hadn't been growing up in that abusive and dark and dirty home and for that Erin couldn't be more grateful because Anabel would always have someone to turn to and would always have someone to tell her that they loved her.

It was dark, the dim glow from the lamps perched on the corners of everyone's desks the only source of light in the room because it was well past the time everyone normally clocked out and well past the time everyone usually settled down on a bar stool at Molly's and tried to erase the horrors of the day with a few bottles but tonight was special, and tonight was different because there was a pile of unwrapped baby gifts near Hank's office door, and there was a pink and white frosted cake on Jay's desk with the word 'congratulations' scrawled in an intricate cursive of pastel frosting and there was the constant, unwavering grin turning up the corners of Jay's mouth as he tried really, really hard not to keep kissing the future mother of his child in a pure sense of bliss because his boss and her father figure kept edging closer and though in the middle of his speech his eyes had welled with tears at the mention of his future granddaughter and the thought of the only daughter he had ever known becoming a mother Jay was all too aware of the fact the man had a mean right-hook.

Burgess raised her glass of good wine they'd all splurged on for the occasion in a toast then, and Ruzek followed suit and Erin was able to pick up on the fact that they had been side by side all night, and he'd edged closer to her amidst the flurry of wrapping paper and now his fingers brushed against his ex-fiance's elbow every so often when he thought no one was looking. And yeah sure, maybe it was the happy buzz of activity in the bullpen and maybe it was the affects of the alcohol but nonetheless she was happy to see the two of them getting along and not keep an arm's length from each other as they' tried to do since Adam had returned from his undercover assignment and Erin made a mental note to set up a double date when she was able to safely to handle her booze again and could make it past the hour of nine o'clock without dozing off.

The team erupted into a pleasant chatter and she finally relaxed because the attention was off of her and the focus wasn't entirely on her huge bulge of a belly and her tiny, delicate baby girl who was kicking and squirming and who apparently had her father's liking for chocolate milkshakes because she was slurping away on her third of the night and trying and failing not to feel guilty or gross about the fact but she caught his familiar blue eyes from across the room while he was finishing up with Olinsky, and then he was at her side and snaking an arm around her waist and taking his own drink of the sweet treat and she couldn't help but giggle and feel a little less like a beached whale. _Like father, like daughter._ "This is the third one I've had, and it's all your fault. She's got a sweet tooth," Erin murmured and she watched his eyes light up with wonder and love and adoration and she stood on her tiptoes to brush her lips against his cheek because damn, Jay Halstead kept getting better looking and more irresistible if that was even possible and she was going to absolutely maul him the second she could do more than waddle around their apartment or lay in a heap of exhaustion amongst her pillows at night, fidgeting to try and get comfortable because she used to fall asleep on her belly and she was still trying to adjust her habits all courtesy of keeping Anabel comfortable.

"At least she's got a sweet something," he whispered in her ear, his warmth breath drifting deliciously over her earlobe and she fiercely nibbled on her bottom lip to keep her impulses in check because they were, after all a mere few paces from Voight. "She's gonna get your stubborn streak and fiery personality so I'll gladly take all the sweet I can get," he teased with his signature smirk and she rolled her eyes good-naturedly because they both knew Erin Lindsay was all kinds of sweet when it came to Jay Halstead.

She was sweet in the way she always saved him the corner sliced of pizza whenever they ordered out because she knew it was his favorite what with the extra bit of crust.

She was sweet in the way she'd let him take over driving duties and even sweeter still because she'd promised that even after the baby was born he'd get to keep that prized position even after she was back as his partner and out on the streets again.

She was sweet in the way she would trace gentle circles over his bare chest in the darkness of their bedroom, her hazel hues never leaving his blue ones because she still couldn't quite believe he'd chosen her and she still couldn't quite believe they were starting their own family.

But most importantly, she was sweet in the way she sat every night in the nursery he had built with his own bare hands because he loved those girls more than life itself, rocking ever so gently in the rocking chair and humming sweet nothings to her daughter, halting the tune only to whisper about her father; how he would always be her fierce protector, how mommy and daddy would both love her beyond any sort of measure, how with only a bat of her eyelashes she would be able to get him to do absolutely anything she wanted and standing there, in the shadows of the door frame so he wouldn't be spotted, Jay couldn't muster up an ounce of disagreement because Erin was without a shadow of a doubt right.

"Halstead, Lindsay."

Voight's gruff tone brought them both back to the bullpen and they widened the gap between their bodies and even though he'd given his blessings and even though they were here celebrating the baby they'd both created, Erin knew it was a respect thing to Jay, and she loved him even more for it. She watched him give a nod and a quick wink, turning straight into Ruzek's rowdy hoots and hollers and claps on the back in congratulations and it took her a moment to remember that Hank was still there, quiet and brooding as ever but his eyes were soft and warm and welcoming and she remembered that stormy night he'd brought her home when she was a mere fifteen years old; how terrified and utterly distraught she'd been because she was damn certain she'd find a way to fuck this chance up, that she'd find a way to earn this kind man's disappointment and disgust, but he'd grabbed her tiny, freezing hand in his bigger one and led her to Camille and to Justin and all the rest was history. He'd given her a family and now she was creating her own and so she couldn't stop the tears as Hank pulled her into his arms, shushing her and rocking softly back and forth to calm her down as he'd always known how to do.

"Hey, kid. Happy thoughts tonight, alright?" He pulled back, keeping his hands on her shoulders and she blubbered out a 'yeah, yeah' before he pulled her back for another squeeze, letting out a throaty chuckle. "I have something for you."

Erin maneuvered away from him then, a soft hint of a frown furrowing her features because he'd already given what had to be a lifetime's supply of diapers that she'd unwrapped, but he pulled a worn teddy bear from behind his back with a tiny pink bow wrapped around its neck and her eyes welled with tears for the hundredth time that night because she knew exactly where it had come from. Camille had bought him for Justin before her son was born, and Erin had always been jealous of the fact he'd had a mother that cared enough about him to buy him nice things but she'd thought she'd hidden her ill feelings well from all those years ago because at least she now had warm meals to ease the painful stabs in her stomach and at least she now had a pillow to lay her head on at night. She should've known Camille would've picked up on what she really felt.

"She kept on me to save it, and even after she was gone it took me years to figure out why. And when Justin passed, it only seemed right to- well, I hope Anabel appreciates it just as much." Erin gently took the bear from his hands and Hank kissed her cheek and gave her hand one last squeeze before venturing over to Olinsky because he'd never been one for mushy except when it came to his grandchildren and Erin had a feeling there was going to be plenty more gifts where that came from.

"Last one, promise." Jay was back at her side and she had to grin because he was wearing her favorite grey Henley and a dark pair of jeans and his blue eyes were radiant the closer in proximity he got but she was momentarily distracted from his piercing orbs by the jangling in his hands. And then he pressed what felt like cold metal into the palm of her hand and her lips turned up into an even bigger smile despite the tears that began to drip down her cheeks. Jay wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs, letting his lips linger over hers for a brief moment before pulling away, his blue eyes twinkling.

"Dog tags," she whispered. 'Anabel Camille Halstead' was printed on one side, with Jay's fingerprints on the other. The quote 'home is always with you' was scratched into another tag, with Erin's fingerprint on the opposite side.

"Next is an engagement ring. Don't think I've forgotten about _your_ present," he murmured, and she pulled him close and breathed in his delicious scent and she tried not to grumble as Will yanked his little brother away from her but she was soon comforted by Owen's sweet smile and Natalie's welcoming embrace and Erin was certain she'd never been this overjoyed in her entire life. This was family. This was _home_.


	8. Chapter 8

**\- Thank you so much for reading this story! I have more piece after this one for you all to enjoy but your continued kind words mean the world to me. Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

 **X**

"Jay, if I eat one more Jell-O cup I'm going to scream," Erin hissed, trying not to glare at the kind nurse checking her vitals and the position of the baby and inquiring for the umpteenth time if she could get the soon-to-be mother anything else. And she was well aware the lady was just doing her job and she was well aware that she'd scarfed down at least twelve of those damn things of Jell-O already since she'd been admitted but Anabel was always hungry and Erin was always uncomfortable and if the fruity glob stopped the kicking and the squirming going on in her belly for even a few minutes she'd continue to shovel it in her mouth by the spoonful.

And as hard as he tried, Jay couldn't hold back a snort, covering his mouth with his hand and squeezing her fingers with the other because they'd been in the hospital for a little over ten hours at this point and they were both slowly but surely losing their minds on barely any sleep and the pure adrenaline because any minute now they were going to be a mother and a father and get to meet their sweet baby girl. And even though this was all leading up to some of what was sure to be the happiest moments of their lives Erin was stubborn, and feisty as ever and if Jay hadn't insisted he lay right there next to her and if he hadn't insisted that visiting hours be extended just a few minutes longer the night before so Hank could lull her into a fitful sleep with his gravelly, comforting words she would surely be a wreck and a whole lot harder to deal with.

Not that he minded. She was the love of his life carrying his very first child and he was pretty certain she was holding back on how bad the contractions really felt that had started a few hours ago and now continued like clockwork and he was pretty sure she was trying to hold back the tears at how terrified she was to be bringing another life into this world with her messy past and her messy addictions and her even messier mother so she could talk all the crap she wanted about the damn Jell-O and the incessant poking and prodding of the nurses and he would still love her. He would still love her tired hazel eyes and the dimple on her left cheek that appeared whenever he leaned over to kiss her forehead and the way one of her hands never left the bulge of her belly as if she felt the need to reassure Anabel that she wasn't going anywhere.

"How's my favorite patient doing?"

Will appeared with a soft tap on the glass door, smiling from ear to ear and he must've had a few free minutes because he pulled up an extra chair and sat at the food of her bed, tucking his chin in his hand and resting an elbow on the footboard, Jay rolling his eyes good-naturedly and Erin flashing her signature smirk in the elder Halstead's direction.

"Just peachy. You got any like…. _fries_ around here for a girl to eat? Or maybe you can just go ahead and get her out. _Like now_." Her teeth gritted together and this time during the contraction she grimaced and Jay was there in an instant, standing and whirling to look at his medically trained brother, begging with his eyes for him to do something but Will just grinned, standing to motion to someone out in the hallway and then Nat was there, all business with a team of other nurses and a flurry of motion and comforting smiles.

"Alright, Will- get the hell out of here. I love you, but you have to meet this baby along with everyone else. Jay, just go scrub up in the sink out there and then you can come stand right here next to Erin, okay?" She put on a mask and she put on her gloves and then they began to adjust the way Erin was laying on the bed and she winced again, a sharp intake of breath accompanying the way her fingers grasped the bed railing until her knuckles turned white and his heart ached because he couldn't take this pain away from her.

"Come on, bro. A little hustle would be awesome." Will guided him out of the room with a grasp on his shoulder and when he was out into the quiet he began to hyperventilate, bending at the waist and bracing his hands on his knees because this was really happening and the baby was really coming and what if he wasn't ready to do this?

"Jay."

He looked up from the blurry vision of the floor beneath his feet and found Hank striding purposefully in his direction and he straightened instantly, maybe to protect himself for the punch in the gut he deserved for standing out here scared out of his mind for what was about to happen rather than being right there next to Erin every damn second she endured this or maybe to at least have a chance in hell to fling up his hands to block a swing to the face so he tensed every single muscle in his body, ready for it- but there was no need.

Hank finally reached the terrified almost father, wrapping him up in a tight embrace so suddenly Jay wasn't even able to process what was happening until he was there, in his boss's and practically father-in-law's arms and he choked back a round of tears because that would've been absolutely embarrassing and way too hard to live down. And so he squeezed Hank back with all that he had in him, finally feeling that reassurance that this baby, that this new life that would soon touch each and every one of their hearts was a beautiful blessing and that Voight approved and had his back, and somewhere he found all that he needed to cement the belief that he could do this. That him and Erin could raise this child with all of the support in the world and when the older man pulled back he gave a single nod of his head and Jay's lips turned up into a blissful grin.

"Get in there, Halstead. You're gonna be a great father." And with one last pat on the back he wandered to what Jay assumed was the waiting room which was sure to be full with the rest of the team and many others, and as he hastily scrubbed his hands clean he couldn't help but chuckle.

Who would've known that Hank Voight would be the one to give him the comfort he so desperately needed.

 **X**

"She's got your eyes," Erin murmured, and her voice caught because her new baby was now in her arms, the smallest pink hat that Erin had ever seen covering her delicate little ears and a tiny little blanket wrapped around the rest of Anabel's body and one of her precious little hands was wrapped stubbornly around Jay's finger and she hadn't let go since she'd been placed in her mother's arms and maybe she knew he was already wrapped around _her_ finger and she'd been out in this world for maybe an hour or maybe she needed to know that both her momma and her daddy were there but whatever the reason, Jay hadn't moved from right there on the bed beside his two girls, one arm around Erin and one hand resting lightly near his daughter. He hadn't even bothered to go get Will to meet his new beautiful little niece or to alert everyone else that she was here because he was savoring this time, these first few moments with just the three of them- their **family**.

"Erin, look at her. She's- she's _perfect_." And then a few tears fell because he hadn't thought this would happen for him. Hadn't thought he'd ever love anyone enough to bring a child into this world, let alone believe he would be capable of fathering one. Alone in the dark crevices of Korengal Valley where some nights he prayed to even wake up the next morning amongst the gunshots and the blood and the screams, he hadn't thought he'd ever make it out of there, ever make it back to anyone that cared or loved him enough to be waiting in the airport for his plane to land or would care that he made it back home each and every night when he was discharged.

And in her he'd found that. He'd found someone who would always have his back, who would be an amazing mother to his children, who would stand by him when he was at his worst and who would love him despite all of his broken pieces. And looking down at Anabel he knew without a shadow of a doubt he would never stop trying to be his best for this family that was absolutely everything he had ever hoped and prayed for.

"Baby, shh. It's okay. _We're_ okay. I love you." Of course she knew he was crying. And of course she was concerned for his well-being and not her own even after just delivering their child.

"Marry me," he whispered. And he heard her sharp breath again, this time in surprise and not out of pain, and then her lips found his ever so softly and gently so as not to wake the baby and he felt the nod of her head and he breathed a sigh of relief. He had his entire world wrapped in his arms and he was certain he would spend the rest of his life loving them with absolutely everything that he had to give.


	9. Chapter 9

\- And here is the ending. Enjoy Jay Halstead as a father because honestly it's one of my most favorite things I've written. (:

X

"Alright, Anabel… open up! Here comes the airplane! Here comes the….You don't like peas, do you sweetheart?" The little girl sat with her arms stubbornly crossed over her chest and her bottom lip out in a perfect reenactment of her mother's signature pout and he had to chuckle because _damn_ he really had his hands full now. "That's okay because I think peas are disgusting and we just won't tell mommy that you-"

"Don't you dare, Jay Halstead. She needs to eat a vegetable, you pushover." Erin appeared in his line of sight near the refrigerator, her hair piled in a mess on top of her head and one of his baggy old Army t-shirts draped effortlessly over her tiny frame and if their daughter wasn't in the room he would've had his way with her on the kitchen counter without so much as a second thought because motherhood looked beyond sexy on her and so did the brand new title of his fiancee. Before she'd been discharged from the hospital a few months back, Jay had found a free minute alone with Hank to ask for his official blessing and though he'd been so afraid he thought he might actually black out in front of his sargeant all had gone just as he had hoped it would. And so he had gotten his mother's ring and Will's go ahead and slipped it onto the fourth finger of her left hand lying there in the hospital bed with their daughter in her arms and watched his favorite smile fall across her lips, the kind that brought out her dimples and the sparkle in her eyes that used to always distract him from her desk across the bullpen. The one he'd seen way back when he first met her with her firm handshake and fiery attitude and knew she'd change his life someday.

"C'mon, baby, let's go get you changed." Erin scooped up the girl from her high chair, who was now beaming at the sight of her mother, clapping her hands in excitement and seeming to forget all about the mushy green peas that had been zooming towards her face, much to Jay's delight. He hated when Anabel was doing anything other than smiling, except of course sleeping with her head nestled right on his chest where she could feel her tiny pitter-patter of a heartbeat. And on nights when the both of them were far too exhausted to wander down the hall to an actual bed, Erin would curl right up on his other side, the warmth of her body lulling him into the first decent sleep he'd been able to have in months. Because the demons of his past had vanished from his head when he was given Anabel, as if someone up there had heard his pleas and his sobs and his desperate screams and he'd like to think it was his mother up there, watching over him. Watching this new life he had created for himself with the woman of his dreams and this sweet baby girl in their cozy apartment full of way too many bottles and diapers and bibs.

Her hazel hues fell onto her daughter's face as she carried her down the hallway, one hand firmly under her backside and the other on the back of her head, keeping her as close to her body as she could manage because of Anabel's newfound love of wiggling and squirming and gurgling during all hours of the day and sometimes well into the night. Not that either Erin or Jay minded. If nights grew long and endless and she refused to close her pretty blue eyes they camped out on the living room floor with at least twelve pillows for Erin and maybe a handful for Jay and Anabel nestled right between the both of them with some old chick flick on the screen and one of his hands trailing up and down her arm, sending goosebumps all over her body and even at two-thirty in the morning she craved him.

She looked up then at the sound of Jay's footsteps, his abdominal muscles clenching deliciously above a sagging pair of sweatpants as he sat on the floor near Anabel's head, chuckling as the child began kicking and thrashing trying to maneuver herself closer to him and away from the new diaper her mother had prepared in her hands. And as much as Erin hated to admit it, Anabel was a daddy's girl through and through. It had taken her days to get the baby to fall asleep in her arms but the instant Jay took her out of the cradle with her exhausted cries and flailing limbs she was out in an instant. And Erin tried to be angry about it, tried to pretend that it bothered her for all of about five minutes but when she caught him looking down at the little life they had created as he rocked her back and forth, with her ocean blue eyes and messy brown waves from the doorway of the nursery she could only manage silent tears of joy. Because this man, this beautifully broken and spectacularly selfless man was the epitome of what a father should be. An epitome of a father that she had never gotten the chance to have, with no clenched fists or angry shouts or broken beer bottles. _No, Jay Halstead was everything but_.

He was bottle feeding at four am when the sun hadn't risen and her eyes were too heavy to even attempt a roll out from under the covers with a whispered 'I love you, go back to sleep'. He was demanding to push the stroller around the neighborhood on their weekend walks, keeping one hand wrapped around Erin's smaller fingers to fiddle with the diamond on her left hand. He was peek-a-boo games on Sunday mornings, his matching blue orbs crinkling in laughter along with Anabel's shrill shrieks of amazement, her tiny little fingers grabbing for him to come closer. He was bursts of laughter during a diaper change, trying to figure out how someone so little could create such a huge mess and still be that adorable. He was early morning kisses and heavy breathing and sharp intakes of breath with his lips trailing to the crook of her neck and then the sweet release inside of her. He was her anchor. He was her home.

"Er?"

She snapped back to her darling little girl who was now wrapped in his arms, her head against his chest and he'd dressed her- a pale pink onesie with 'daddy's favorite' scrawled across the front and again she had to grin.

"You amaze me," she murmured, standing to meet the both of them and as she leaned forward to graze her lips across Anabel's cheek Jay pulled her to him.

" _My girls_ amaze me," he murmured back to her and she let out a soft sigh of contentment. This right here, right here in this very moment was everything that she had ever wanted.

"How about we have a few more?" She didn't even need to look up at him to know that he was grinning from ear to ear. She could feel it.

"First, a motorcycle. Then babies. Lots more babies. And probably a wedding thrown in there somewhere," he added with a chuckle as he brushed his lips against the top of her head.

"I love you," she whispered, standing on her tiptoes to plant a soft kiss against his mouth.

"I love you too, Er."

And all of their bad and all of their ugly had led them to that very moment with that perfect baby girl and their never-ending love for each other and he knew without a shadow of a doubt he would do it all over again if it meant it would bring him right back here, to the smell of Erin's vanilla shampoo and Anabel's toothless grin.


End file.
